Parenting Our Parents

Oh Pam,

My heart aches for you. You are at the time in your life when you have the bitter-sweet honor of  parenting your mother. Such a role reversal! All that love and care she took a lifetime pouring on you, now returns to her in your loving actions. She relies on you more than either of you could ever have imagined. You are her lifeline. It is a priceless gift you give. Yet it is a heavy yoke. I remember waking up each morning wondering what the day would bring. Hearing the phone ring would set me wondering “What now?” Dealing with Mom’s many emotions without revealing my inner turmoil was a daily struggle. I had to be strong for her because if she saw the chink in my armor, it added to her worries and concerns. Then there were the days my heart yearned for my “real” mom. The one who raised me. The one who was strong for me. The one who took care of me! And yes, the one who through example showed what love looked like. The one who raised a strong woman. So, mostly not feeling very strong, I cherished what she could give me. A smile when I entered the room. A pat on the hand. A bony hug. A flash of that wonderful sense of humor. Pam, the gift you are giving your mom is wrapped with love and tenderness, as well as tears.  Sweet memories and sweet heart-ache, kindness and goodness. God’s light is shining through.  My prayer for you during this emotionally laden time is that you will feel God’s presence as he nurtures you soul.

Love you my friend

How are ya?

It is such a common greeting.  It is almost as if Hi or Hello has a mandatory 3 extra syllables. Most of the time not even a pause between. Hi.how.are.you?   Hello.how.are.you?

I look in the greeters eyes. Is this perfunctory? Do you really want to know?

"Hey, I'm fine, how about you?

More tests this week.  I'm as fine as I can be under the circumstances.  But too much information for this short hello/goodbye session.

I pass another co-worker.  I'm about to say Hi.how.are.you?

I pause.

It's the Waiting

Waiting for test results...
Time slows, mind flies, worry sets its claw.
Then the phone finally rings only to reveal more tests are on the way.
Time slows...

He is the Great Physician.  He is the healer of all things.  He is there.
There to hold my hand as I wait for the test, wait for the result, wait.
There to calm my mind as it flies to things that could be, things that might be, things that get bigger and more ugly as I wait.
There to unclench the worry that is now scoffing me, laughing and imagining.

"but they who wait upon for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:30

Please help me Lord to not just wait, but to wait with you.

Just the Words I Needed

With this news, strengthen those who have tired hands,
       and encourage those who have weak knees,
Say to those with fearful hearts,
      "Be strong, and do not fear,
for your God is coming to destroy your enemies.
      He is coming to save you."
Isaiah 35:3-4

What refreshing words to hear after plodding through the first part of Isaiah! Change a country name here, a leader's name there, and sprinkle with a few terrorist and God's word is incredibly relevant today. I cheered as the "bad guys" got what they deserved.  I cringed when a behavior was too close to my own.  (Idols don't have to be made of gold.)

I wanted to skip the book entirely.  I wanted to get back to the New Testament, It seems that our world is headed for the same fate, the same burning anger, the same destruction as Isaiah's world. Man doesn't change. Sin is sin no matter what name you give it.

Now after all the carnage of God's burning anger,
He gives hope.
He strengthens.
He encourages.
He saves.
God's mercy
GOD'S MERCY!

"Be strong and do not fear." Just the words I needed. Just when I needed them. Like always.
Thank you Lord.

A Life Cut Short

At first I scrolled past the memorial fundraiser.  Beautiful woman, lost to us too soon.  It was a wedding picture featuring her beaming face.  So sad I thought.  Then it popped up in my feed again and again.  Finally a friend mentioned her maiden name. I took a closer look. Her eyes, her smile. I was looking at the face of one of my former kindergarten students.  Over 20 years had passed since her tiny body bounded into my room.  Energy exuded from her small frame.  She loved life. She loved school.  She loved.  Finding my school scrapbook, I looked at her 5 year old face splattered with freckles. I remembered her hugs.  I remembered her smile. I remembered.

Not Easy But Worth It

 I have a poster with a picture of Jesus that says, "I didn't say it would be easy.  I said it would be worth it."  Life is a series of bumps and turns, highs and lows, smooth sailing days followed by days of water sloshing over the boat.  When wave after wave are crashing around, it is hard to think of anything but escape.  Casting Crowns sings of praising God in the storm.  Finding something good in the midst of turmoil is one thing.  Finding something praise worthy is another.  For me it has been a week of life changes, sickness, worry, and lost car keys.  It has also been a week of an unexpected surprise in the mail, a comment from a co-worker that made my day, and a time of reflection.  I am grateful for all of these things.  They are the good that help me cope with the rest.  For that I am grateful.   But praise goes beyond thankfulness.  Praise is taking that thankfulness, wrapping it with all the good and  all the bad, and giving it to the Lord.  Kneeling at his feet and saying,

Yes, I praise you for all of this. 

You are my God. 

My trust is in you.

I praise you in the good.

I praise you in the bad.

Because

I trust you in the good.

I trust you in the bad.